Tuesday, November 8, 2011
sometimes you just gotta try
sleep last night was fleeting at best, tumbling, turning. Phlegm stocked itself in my sinuses as I laid in a contaminated little boy's bed. Shaped like a race car and I'm speedin' towards misery. I got up and heard Emmy Jo crying for mama. I was right there with her. Nothing I could do but want my mama right along with that creature. She knew what the score was. Ain't nothing better than mama. Joe and Erica were up soon after and I sat and researched motorcycle parts and routes across the country while Erica and Joe made their morning special. We all chatted and Joe made some amazing omelettes and I plotted out a way to get across America the most pleasantly. Josie's likes and dislikes peppered the tip of my tongue throughout the morning but I didn't bring up the majority of that lovely spice. She's all that I want to talk about. I want to tell everyone how easy it was to surrender into her eyes. How resting my head on her shoulder was perfect peace. Her lips. The slowest even kiss. Such gradually immediate love right in front of me and mine to claim. SHE LOVED ME. I don't understand. Dastardly ol' despicable me. She made me love life and myself with an accepting calm that I cannot duplicate. There are not motorcycle shops in Myrtle Beach with the tires and brake pads that I need. Being that neither are priortity. I was fine with that. No reason to wait around. Joe put Erica's chili in the omelette that he made me and it was a one-two punch of Stone Fantastic that would leave blackeyes all over the culinary breakfast scene. Hot damn. I left shortly thereafter and rode to the parts store to get a few things. I had a bookbag full of tools on, and when I walked in the door, a multitude of alarms let everyone know. Without being told to, I left the bag sitting by the trashcan at the front door of the AutoZone near 707 and went in. A little help from an old man and I thought I had everything I needed, went out, suited up and remembered that I couldn't find the plug gapper yesterday, so I went and bought another and a cheap little retractable mirror in case I need to get to that mutherfucking carb pilot screw and don't want to take the entire carb off. Over at my folk's house, I put Josie on her centerstand and unloaded my tools onto the carport in front of my parents house. I had forgotten my ratchet, so I searched all of my dads shit with no luck. Drove their Mercury over to Joe's and grabbed mine, returned. Over the next couple hours, I went through all of the maintenance I had on deck for the day. My mom sat in a chair and chatted with me while she sipped sweet tea. I got the neutral switch changed, the oil, and the plugs. I had intermittently had a short in the rear left turn signal and it was happening again that morning. It was a start and stop randomly kind of problem so I was sure that it was a short. I checked all the lights and fuses and decided that it was the bulb, but I couldn't unscrew the tiny little panhead screw holding the light cover on. I sorted my bag and eventually my dad showed up and I asked for his help. He broke out the drill and solved my problem. Once we got that cover off, I also took the cover off the other side and switched bulbs. Something about that fixed the problem, so I had turn signals again. I'm fairly positive I chased that little gremlin into hiding. But he's in there waiting I know it. I ate some sushi with my parents that Dad had gotten me. (a california rolll since I'm going to cailfornia he says; daddy's the best) and decided to take Josie for a good ride to check out how she was responding to the changes. Up 31 and around 501, she ran like a a turtledove. I stopped at Redline for a helmet but just ended up buying goggles. 2 hours of cruising around, I saw an 85 (maybe) 1100 midnight special sitting up in Myrtle Beach, I pulled over and checked it out. Something about four cylinder enginez just don't sit right with me. Bike was mighty pretty though. I continued on, rolling around Myrtle Beach enjoying the weather. It was perfect out, and not having to wear a helmet was becoming more and more of a rare treat. I rode all up and down the coast, finally stopping at N 14th in Surfside, one of my old haunts. I sat on the wooden steps leading across the dunes, and held myself. My body has been reacting coldly for over a week. I shiver and I frequently hold my arms tight against me with my head down. It's as if I'm wounded. I sat and watched the ocean, thinking about all the lazy days Josie and I spent on the beach, how I'd lay on my side and just admire that bod of hers for hours while we were out there. She'd catch me staring and just smile, knowing that not a one of my intentions was pure or clean, that they all would take her body into some harmony of pleasure with mine, right there in the dirt if she'd let me. I nodded off into one of those naps where everything starts off heavy and then just stops. Very nice. Blacky called to let me know that he was going to come up to Richmond and visit me soon, but I told him just to ride the couple miles to the beach from his house and hang out instead. He was surprised that I was around and showed up shortly thereafter. Blacky lost his dad earlier this year and I hadnt seen him since. I felt we had some sort of meeting ground in our tragedy and it was nice to sit by the beach and catch up with him. While we were chatting, I noticed a large pink flower in the shrubs of the dune. I glanced around and couldn't see any other bloom like it, so I hopped the railing and grabbed it. FAKE! I stabbed that disappointing little piece of plastic into the cracked wood of the banister and left it be. Time slipped away from Blacky and I and before I knew it, it was time to head to my parents house for dinner. I rode over first to Joe's, he was heading out the door with the kids. Emmy was wearing a blue princess dress and kept saying something about how she was a pretty girl. Joe showed me where the clippers were and left. I gave myself a good clean haircut and then shaved for the first time since Halloween. Shower and a clean white t-shirt, and it was time to go. Theresa called while I was getting dressed and I talked to her for a minute. I felt like I wanted to talk longer than she did, but when we said good bye, she said I love you and I said it too, and it made me feel nice. I do love that girl now. I probably did before all this, but its glaringly apparent that I care now. Quick ride over to the parents house, dinner was so delicious, my mom's sweet and sour meatballz, pinto beans, fried apples, mashed potatoes, homemade rolls and so on and so forth. After dinner I checked on some of the weather for my travels, and watched the kids running around and playing, but started feeling so restless, so anxious. Just wanting something to feel different. I said some quick goodbyes and got on Josie. She led me all up and down the highway at high speeds, eyes watering from the wind and other things. After a good bit of that, I was down near Pawleys Island and remembered that Shayna worked somewhere in Murrells. I saw the place right off 17, and pulled in. Brent and I used to sing karaoke in this building years ago. Can't recall the name of the place then, for some reason I want to say P-diddys, but thats not right. She was tending bar with a bunch of old golf dudes sitting round. She gave me a good ol' hug, poured me a beer and we caught up in between her filling glasses and handing people plates of food. She had just returned from Plattsburgh, NY, visiting Ian and Darcy with her mother. She told me that they had listened to Midnight Soulstice the week before, and I thought that was really sweet. To think of a mother and two daughters deep in the mountains, sitting around late at night listening to the old Soulstice. Seems like a pretty scene. When Josie and I would both happen to be free on a Friday night, and neither of us felt like venturing out, we'd just get a couple of beers, and lay around in bed, listening to the Soulstice, talking about our week and the future, probably mostly about Nola. Just like everything else we ever attempted to accomplish in bed though, it would inevitably lead to some good lovin' and then us both falling asleep sweaty in each others arms.