Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Although tears didn't manage to form, I did have to stop dancing and just stand and sweat for a few moments last night at Madrone. 3 separate songs got me, all old soul ballads about love lost and missing someone. I imagine Ill have these flickers throughout the rest of my entire life, caused by a phrase or some particular shape, color, smell, sound, time of day, or temperature. Bean and I had been enthusiastic about returning to this bar for Motown Monday since last Tuesday morning when we woke up. Last night was the third time I had been there. Each time I had not even left the dancefloor to piss, let alone get a drink. We had danced a nonstop dance of maniacal calculation for hours every evening we'd been. Last night was no different. We walked back down to Beans house after they kicked us all out and sat out on his stoop talking until we were tired enough for sleep. This morning I looked up a top-rated chinese restaurant, went and had bland dumplings and a satisfying spicy eggplant dish. After that I walked the 4 miles to the beach, sat and read The Rosy Crucifixion for a few hours until I started dozing off and headed back. I feel as if some part of myself is in concrete for much of the day. A part thats involved in reaction and involvement. Ill have to think of a way to drum up a rectifying shock to apply.